Sistas Act

Love life, love your self because its all about you. ….lynda nweke-ofodile

Before we start talking about exciting things like love and romance, I just thought I’ll share a few thoughts with y’all. Basically it is about the mindset we as women have been raised to believe about ourselves for a long time coming.

Remember growing up with our mothers whispering in our ears to go to the kitchen because that was a 'woman’s office’: Or to talk and behave in a certain way so that we will land the right kind of guy : Or discouraged from choosing certain professions because they were considered mannish and will leave us with no time for our husband and children.

Whilst growing up, some of us were unfortunate to be around guys when they sit to decide which girl is ‘wife material’ and which isn’t. Then, you take a long hard look at those clowns demolishing the destinies of other girls-absolutely nothing to write home about and you shudder to think that these are the idiots you have been groomed all these years to spend the rest of your life with.

I don’t know about you girls but sometimes, doesn’t it just get to you that most ladies magazines out there keep telling us how to please men. How to keep in shape to keep our men, how to dress to catch the right guy, how to talk in public so as not to scare that very elusive Mr. Right, how to wear enough make-up to engage a man’s attention without looking slutty.

In other words, they seem to be sending a message that we, as women, are incomplete unless we have landed a man. Society doesn’t help either with the constant bickering about the gradual increase in the divorce rate due to the fact that women, these days, have ‘gone haywire’ because all of a sudden they are earning a lot more money and so are no longer submissive to their husbands. Left to them, a woman should still be married and nicely saddled with 2-6 children pulling at her from every side till she is a withered, old prune, bitter, tired, dead in mind, spirit and soul. Yet a husband looks at the said tired woman and still expects her to respond to him sexually or still look like that 23 year old girl he vowed to move earth and heaven for (and failed miserably, while we are at it!)

Don’t get me wrong o! I am all for a woman having it all : a Taye Diggs to warm her bed at night ; a broad shouldered Dwyane ‘the Rock’ Johnson to cry on when life has given her several slaps during the day; a Samuel L Jackson to protect her and defend her, a Jay Manuel to give herstyle tips, a Jay Z with tonnes of power and influence to move mountains, a Chris Tucker to keep her laughing for the rest of her life and of course, an Usher Raymond to serenade her till kingdom come. Plus healthy and well balanced kids.

Now, ladies, if you are one of those blessed gals that have a man with all the above listed attributes and still has truckloads of Denzel swag, Sweethearts, I give y’all a standing ovation for landing that epitome of divinity. And you better be on a constant fasting-and-praying mode so that one of us out there won’t snatch him from you- just saying! But if not, then, I guess we just have to find a way to be contented with what we have and find a way to still be joyful in spite of landing a Homer Simpson instead of an Idris Elba!

How can a woman find joy in the middle of the mess? The key to finding that joy is to first find a way to love and romance ourselves as women. Because at the end of the day even if we have a man built like a nephlilm with the characteristics of Jesus Christ Himself, if we do not love ourselves, there is no way we will be truly happy.

How does one go about doing that? Well, I would suggest starting out with re-introducing yourself to you all over again. Walk to a full length mirror if you have one. If not a moderate one will do just fine. Say, “Hello! My name is So-and-So (fill in your name). I am very pleased to meet you. I would really love to be your friend, if you would give me the chance because I think we will both make a dynamic duo.”

Then take it from there trying to rediscover who that image looking back at you is. Find out about her favourite colour, movie, food, book, music. Find out about her philosophy about life, politics and the likes. She maybe a little shy at first but don’t give up on her because she desperately wants to be loved, no matter what her demeanor says. If you find out that she’s not as fly as you hoped, that is ok, too. You can always work on that-change is the only thing that is permanent.

Before long, I guarantee you that you will begin to fall in love with her. Don’t judge her too harshly when she over eats or talks too much or sleeps with that 'chewing gum boy' again with no future. Love up on her and encourage her. It will shock you how she will begin to bloom and shine with inner beauty that no one will be able to resist. And let’s not forget the most important ingredient in this journey- God. Find a way to include the One Who made you in this adventure. He knows you a lot better than you know yourself and you three together will be unstoppable.

In summation, love God with every fibre of your being because He loves you to pieces anyway (and you didn’t have to lose weight or be Mary Poppins to earn His love). Love yourself. Then love others. Truth is you cannot love anybody if you don’t love yourself.

I wish you a pleasant trip on this exciting road to self-discovery! Later sisters!

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